Should I help?

[Olderisbetter]

I will help most people but if they are of the nature you have described i tend to think they would blame you if you changed a tyre and the radio stopped working the next day, Trust me i have had it happen after jump starting a car for a desperate lady and then the cam belt snapped a month later then i got a solicitors letter asking me lots of details.

 

[northwest]

Why dance around the subject, tell her and the son, why you *might* want to help but wont until they change their attitude

People like that never change, unless of course it is to get worse.

I will help most people but if they are of the nature you have described i tend to think they would blame you if you changed a tyre and the radio stopped working the next day, Trust me i have had it happen after jump starting a car for a desperate lady and then the cam belt snapped a month later then i got a solicitors letter asking me lots of details.

Been there, done that. Even people you think are reasonable will start Blamestorming if they think it isn't going their way and you are somehow to blame. I usually put as much distance as possible between and if they ask for something I usually don't have one of those or I am busy. Saves heartache and cash in the long run.

 

[Melvyn Best]

I will help most people but if they are of the nature you have described i tend to think they would blame you if you changed a tyre and the radio stopped working the next day, Trust me i have had it happen after jump starting a car for a desperate lady and then the cam belt snapped a month later then i got a solicitors letter asking me lots of details.

The old “Since you” routine!

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

Well I have just had a coffee with Ryan, down the road.
I have found out what happened.
A local recovery company was called out. They arrived and removed the flat tyre.
They did not fit the spare, still flat from febuary. The one I changed.

They took the removed wheel away and had it fixed. What they did Ryan did not know.
But they have left. Not only have they left the road. They left a nice rainbow stain.

Of what joy.

 

[armalites]

Personally I would help perhaps grudgingly if it didn't affect me too much because I'd like to think someone would help me or my family. I totally agree that some people need to feel some pain but often these kind of people have no idea that they are upsetting people. It's also possible that this one time could be the time that changes their attitude.

For me helping someone is just as much for my well being as theirs.

I would most likely mention to the son how much his mum is annoying people with her attitude but most likely he will react the same way she would.

 

[angellonewolf]

They did not fit the spare, still flat from febuary. The one I changed.

what a twonk if was me id be down the garage the same day to sort a tyre if i had one changed in feb or at least next day as i assume sods law id get another flat the very next day then id be stuck

 

[Cobbler]

He deserves another flat on the way home....... oh dear the spare is still flat. Unless both were repaired, unlikely!

 

[Brummie]

Bar one, she is a nosy, interfering lady.
She will complain about everything and every one. Yet, will openly do the things she complains about.
She has been here just over a year and has managed to annoy every one.

I know that, as last Feb I helped change a tyre and he is rude as his mother.

Just helps support the adage the apple never falls far from the tree

 

[Retired]

Hi,

I haven't read the entire thread but in future I'll do my best to avoid helping others having been a mug for many years.

Our former neighbour a retired lady has recently moved from her detached bungalow next door; she lived here for seven years and we took pity on her because her husband had sadly died. It started with small jobs done free of charge of course thinking we were being kind.

Over the years the jobs became bigger; I agreed to help her to erect a new fence she just paying for materials; the old fence was wire netting and our laurels had grown through also both our gardens are like a mountainside; I sorted out the type of fence she wanted and drew up a materials list then we took her to the supplier and placed the order. I was to go round early Monday morning taking along tools which I did; suddenly she had a five day golf tournament; I was absolutely stupid in erecting the fence and disposing of the old fence just in time for when she returned on Friday job done.

I've spent hours matching framework moulding and installing it to her room wall; I stripped; stained and finished a table top this one of a set of three tables she'd spilled nail varnish remover on. I spent three days making her a solid timber cat house supplying everything; it just went on and on including digging up many stumps in her front garden.

About a year ago she was complaining about her electricity bill it being too high; I told her what our electricity bill was and she phoned npower to complain that her next door neighbour was paying a lot less for their electricity although big machinery was being used in their workshop; a few days later npower was here to install a smart meter; I said it's a good job you gave me a bit of notice before turning up then I could remove the cable I'd connected to the street lamp; the guy couldn't fit the new smart meter because a gas smart meter was already installed and he wasn't allowed to touch it; we had a good laugh and shook hands as he departed. What a downright stab in the back; I'd even been using not only electricity but also my machinery and time to do work for her. We didn't fall out with her after all we lived as neighbours but after this stab in the back she drove a round trip of 450 miles to collect a Singer sewing machine from near the south coast; I was asked to assist in getting it out of the car and into her front room which I did; it needed a complete rebuild; the machine was rough and the veneered cabinet was delaminating due to water damage; I ignored this sewing machine and just before she moved it was placed on Freecycle and collected; I was also blind and deaf; we wonder if no longer maintaining her bungalow added to her decision to move.

We were taken for real mugs too involved to notice until it became blatant; she thought nothing of taking cruises on The Queen Mary to New York or cruising down the Rhine but complained about her electricity bill; I add that her bungalow was always lit up like Blackpool Illuminations with even four large outside security lights lit all day and all night. She had gardener and home cleaner as well as window cleaner; if a light bulb blew she called in her sparky; her son living not too far away seldom visited. Good riddance and lesson well and truly learned by the both of us. We hope our new neighbours install a 10' tall solid fence because we're now sick of selfish self centered people. We're much better on our own; it never used to be like this when we were kids and we trusted everyone.

I've done lots of work for neighbours but in our 33 years here only one neighbour has accepted a parcel for us and these were new neighbours; we've accepted dozens of parcels for neighbours but now are blind when couriers arrive.

I've spent hundreds of hours helping forum members out and don't begrudge the time after all I can hardly complain when I volunteer to help but only recently I've been spending lots of time on forums helping new members only for the member not even having the courtesy to post a thank you; I have a wide range of skills and a lifetime of experience which I've always enjoyed sharing but is it worth it; I think there are big changes ahead for us in 2021; if only people would play fair.

I've received lots of help from forums so have done my best to join in and give something back.

Kind regards, Colin.

One of the mouldings to match; looks easy but is time consuming and using our machinery; electricity and time.

The second moulding I matched here with original and roughed out new length.

Nail varnish remover on table top.

Top completely stripped to bare timber.

After a lot of time and TLC by me back to as new.

When I say our gardens are steep I'm not kidding; this fence job was a nightmare all done whilst our selfish neighbour was playing golf. I've been absolutely stupid.

I had to cut well back both sides and remove the old fence which was grown through with our laurels.

Standing upright in our gardens is challenging; it took five full days of hard graft before the fence was finished. In fairness this neighbour whilst in Paris did buy us a Mona Lisa print and had it framed as a thank you; we never wanted anything from her just her friendship; we've enough work of our own to keep us busy; the trees seen are ours and our own gardens demand a lot of our time. We're now on full time red alert keeping our heads below the parapet and it's time we enjoyed our retirement for a change.

 

[KimB]

Hi,

I haven't read the entire thread but in future I'll do my best to avoid helping others having been a mug for many years.

Our former neighbour a retired lady has recently moved from her detached bungalow next door; she lived here for seven years and we took pity on her because her husband had sadly died. It started with small jobs done free of charge of course thinking we were being kind.

Over the years the jobs became bigger; I agreed to help her to erect a new fence she just paying for materials; the old fence was wire netting and our laurels had grown through also both our gardens are like a mountainside; I sorted out the type of fence she wanted and drew up a materials list then we took her to the supplier and placed the order. I was to go round early Monday morning taking along tools which I did; suddenly she had a five day golf tournament; I was absolutely stupid in erecting the fence and disposing of the old fence just in time for when she returned on Friday job done.

I've spent hours matching framework moulding and installing it to her room wall; I stripped; stained and finished a table top this one of a set of three tables she'd spilled nail varnish remover on. I spent three days making her a solid timber cat house supplying everything; it just went on and on including digging up many stumps in her front garden.

About a year ago she was complaining about her electricity bill it being too high; I told her what our electricity bill was and she phoned npower to complain that her next door neighbour was paying a lot less for their electricity although big machinery was being used in their workshop; a few days later npower was here to install a smart meter; I said it's a good job you gave me a bit of notice before turning up then I could remove the cable I'd connected to the street lamp; the guy couldn't fit the new smart meter because a gas smart meter was already installed and he wasn't allowed to touch it; we had a good laugh and shook hands as he departed. What a downright stab in the back; I'd even been using not only electricity but also my machinery and time to do work for her. We didn't fall out with her after all we lived as neighbours but after this stab in the back she drove a round trip of 450 miles to collect a Singer sewing machine from near the south coast; I was asked to assist in getting it out of the car and into her front room which I did; it needed a complete rebuild; the machine was rough and the veneered cabinet was delaminating due to water damage; I ignored this sewing machine and just before she moved it was placed on Freecycle and collected; I was also blind and deaf; we wonder if no longer maintaining her bungalow added to her decision to move.

We were taken for real mugs too involved to notice until it became blatant; she thought nothing of taking cruises on The Queen Mary to New York or cruising down the Rhine but complained about her electricity bill; I add that her bungalow was always lit up like Blackpool Illuminations with even four large outside security lights lit all day and all night. She had gardener and home cleaner as well as window cleaner; if a light bulb blew she called in her sparky; her son living not too far away seldom visited. Good riddance and lesson well and truly learned by the both of us. We hope our new neighbours install a 10' tall solid fence because we're now sick of selfish self centered people. We're much better on our own; it never used to be like this when we were kids and we trusted everyone.

I've done lots of work for neighbours but in our 33 years here only one neighbour has accepted a parcel for us and these were new neighbours; we've accepted dozens of parcels for neighbours but now are blind when couriers arrive.

I've spent hundreds of hours helping forum members out and don't begrudge the time after all I can hardly complain when I volunteer to help but only recently I've been spending lots of time on forums helping new members only for the member not even having the courtesy to post a thank you; I have a wide range of skills and a lifetime of experience which I've always enjoyed sharing but is it worth it; I think there are big changes ahead for us in 2021; if only people would play fair.

I've received lots of help from forums so have done my best to join in and give something back.

Kind regards, Colin.

View attachment 266513

One of the mouldings to match; looks easy but is time consuming and using our machinery; electricity and time.

View attachment 266514

The second moulding I matched here with original and roughed out new length.

View attachment 266515

Nail varnish remover on table top.

View attachment 266516

Top completely stripped to bare timber.

View attachment 266517

After a lot of time and TLC by me back to as new.

View attachment 266518

When I say our gardens are steep I'm not kidding; this fence job was a nightmare all done whilst our selfish neighbour was playing golf. I've been absolutely stupid.

View attachment 266519

I had to cut well back both sides and remove the old fence which was grown through with our laurels.

View attachment 266520

Standing upright in our gardens is challenging; it took five full days of hard graft before the fence was finished. In fairness this neighbour whilst in Paris did buy us a Mona Lisa print and had it framed as a thank you; we never wanted anything from her just her friendship; we've enough work of our own to keep us busy; the trees seen are ours and our own gardens demand a lot of our time. We're now on full time red alert keeping our heads below the parapet and it's time we enjoyed our retirement for a change.

Hi Colin, what a faff. Sometimes being to nice bites you in the butt. My neighbour is sort of the same situation with no husband but she never gives me grief or anything. I normally look after her tiny bit of lawn in the front as well but I’m happy to do that so mine doesn’t get ruined . I think there’s a line and sometimes it mustn’t be crossed. Me doing the fence next year may find that line but we will see. I’ll certainly think about this post of yours whilst doing it.

Sort of side note to it, I most of the time prefer doing it myself because I know it’ll get looked after. I hate people doing a job wrong and you know what they say about that...
Kim

 

[angellonewolf]

Hi Colin, what a faff. Sometimes being to nice bites you in the butt. My neighbour is sort of the same situation with no husband but she never gives me grief or anything. I normally look after her tiny bit of lawn in the front as well but I’m happy to do that so mine doesn’t get ruined . I think there’s a line and sometimes it mustn’t be crossed. Me doing the fence next year may find that line but we will see. I’ll certainly think about this post of yours whilst doing it.

Sort of side note to it, I most of the time prefer doing it myself because I know it’ll get looked after. I hate people doing a job wrong and you know what they say about that...
Kim

best think on what you feel is fair to you not fair to someone else when taking on a job

 

[brightspark]

daughters old neighbors ok but there a pain in the ass . her fence was knacked so daughter said she would pay half and get it done meaning me for nothing . cost 200 quid for the pannels and concrete pillars. i coated the lot with genuine creosote twice before fitting dug the postholes out and fitted the fence .her garden was slightly higher so i put 6 inch panels along the fence bottom to stop the crap from touching it where needed. was ok where the path was .i was busy as hell at work and a bad back and the old crow said to daughter whens he going to finish fence off its finished . well he hasnt put wood along the path. err its not needed only where the garden soil was higher to the reply of no it wasnt then she was asked for the cash for fence and she handed over 50 quid no its 100 each and she coughed up . the neighbour on otherside does loads for her and her sister and she gives him a fiver here and there and he is to soft to say no

 

[Melvyn Best]

During the first lockdown our neighbour had her front and rear fence blown down , I ordered posts and panels , got them delivered ,did the job and argued for weeks about payment . She was upset because I didn’t want anything as she has been a great neighbour, in the end she said she would get her own way . Unfortunately she passed away at the end of June but she had left a generous amount in her will for us. Totally not why I ever did things for her but much appreciated. Just hope the new buyers are OK

 

[Retired]

Hi,

Our immediate neighbours to the other side are a family well known to police for beatings; burglary; car theft and drugs they think they own the street. The kids are now grown up and two have a house and a bungalow on the street they being no trouble to us; the parents though are something else; they are at war with each other it's been like living next door to WW3; the wife pushes all the wrong buttons winding the husband up; he starts to shout at her at the top of his voice then not getting through it turns to a scream; the language has been terrible. Nothing at all is right for the wife and she really would test anyone's patience to the limit; had there been a murder next door it wouldn't have surprised us; he's now 85 and has quietened down but still manages the odd war.

They've been unfriendly towards us right from the time we moved here in 1987; endless complaints about our trees saying a Scots pine was blocking their drain with its roots; he would come round demanding we clear the drain the manhole being on our land; he was and still is a nasty piece of work; on one occasion he came round in his usual belligerent manner about his toilet being blocked AGAIN; this time though when I lifted the manhole cover it was clear; the problem proved to be a child bunging stuff down the toilet.

I've felled two 80' conifers removed the Scots pine; removed a mature holly tree cut back the hedge and even removed our 88' long conifer hedge; having spent a week removing the hedge they returned from holiday and the silly woman turned on my wife saying it's too open now; she had complained for many years our trees and hedges were blocking their light; having removed the conifer hedge my wife said to me just look at those; two conifers directly outside their kitchen?

We've tried our best to be neighbourly but after 30 years of this 3 years ago after complaints about our holly tree dropping berries on her wheelie bins I removed the entire tree and stump; having done this I was down just outside the workshop when this wife came to me demanding I follow her because now I was accused of damaging her garden wall; I refused so she started to turn nasty; I fled into the workshop wanting to avoid conflict then she stated banging with her hands on the workshop door glass panels yelling at me; I ignored her then she said I'm going up to the bungalow to see your wife; at this point I quickly passed her saying I'm involving the police; up in the bungalow I explained to my wife what had just occurred and to get her coat; we headed to the local police station but unaware it was now closed to the public so we returned home. Being absolutely fed up of these neighbours I opened a chat line to the police and a very decent officer visited us; he explained had it been just a neighbour dispute the police don't get involved but this was harassment hence he could and would do something about it; he went round and told this couple straight any more harassment and he'd be back to arrest them. The police officer said people like me and my wife don't involve police unless it's desperate and he told us he wouldn't have removed any trees; we'd done our best to do the right thing; we're very quiet and liked by all other neighbours.

It then went quiet until I was working near the border when the husband came quietly to me; he wanted me to cut back branches from our overhanging willow tree; I politely refused then he put it up a notch saying it was my responsibility and should be done at my cost; I still refused and said if he wanted the branches removing he would have to sort it out and pay for it also that he would then have to look at the mutilated tree; he still persisted then I said check the law because I don't need to do as you asked; he then said how did I know I replied try browsing the Internet; his wife couldn't approach me so got him to do it; what drives such people. I did give him permission to dispose of the branches so later one of his sons was up our tree removing branches; we let him alone. We were given a police log to fill in if there were any future problems. We can't be bothered with these running our lives so we ignore them although the silly wife keeps trying to intimidate me.

We have giant street numbers to the front of our bungalow; last year friends of these wayward neighbours pushed a Christmas card through our letterbox in error; not wishing to be petty I quietly popped it round when it was dark; less than two weeks ago these same friends now pushed two Christmas cards through our letter box plus a third for a neighbour along the street; this time I wrote "Delivered to 39" again I quietly delivered the cards to the correct recipients; two days later my wife was minding her own business sweeping our patio when the silly wife next door was doing a drum solo slamming down her wheelie bin lids like a lunatic.

In spite of the way this couple behave towards us we'd still help them in an emergency; we were brought up correctly and wish no ill or harm to anyone. This story is only a sample of what we've endured but we won't be driven out of our home by such people; it seems to wind them up because I keep calm and can't be intimidated by either of them; I won't change and neither will my wonderful wife.

Kind regards, Colin.

 

[Turbo]

i used the aa a few years ago they sent out another recovery company when i was broken down when fairly local to my house about 4 miles so yes the big boys do pay other companys depending on the job

Around here it doesn't matter which service you call, AA, RAC, etc it's always the same local company that comes out Alan Graham's. He has a huge beast of a truck that can tow a fully laden artic & trailer!

 

[Morrisman]

.....In spite of the way this couple behave towards us we'd still help them in an emergency; we were brought up correctly and wish no ill or harm to anyone. This story is only a sample of what we've endured but we won't be driven out of our home by such people; it seems to wind them up because I keep calm and can't be intimidated by either of them; I won't change and neither will my wonderful wife.

Kind regards, Colin.

And therein lies the answer to why you have been taken advantage of time and again: you’re just too nice.

I’ll help anybody out, if they genuinely need help, but the minute they show signs of abusing my generosity, it’s all over.

People generally get one chance with me, and if they blow it, they are done, no second time around unless they earn it.

 

[northwest]

People generally get one chance with me, and if they blow it, they are done, no second time around unless they earn it.

If you are in business and need advice, I will improve your business no end, I am really good at identifying problems and coming up with workable solutions. My downfall is running my own business, I give my time away for free. (I am happy though) So I have had to adopt @Morrisman 's approach and it is very much one strike and you are out. And I have stuck to that, once you are in my blacklist, I have never ever taken anyone out of it yet.
If I didn't take this sometimes ruthless approach I would have been in the poorhouse or the nuthouse or certainly going from one to the other. I don't rip people off but I do charge a fair price and if any of my machines are involved they have to pay their way too. It's just how it is.

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

I did help a neighbourhood visitor this morning.
They came down Boxing day to see their grand children on Boxing days. But the tailgate boot was left on.
They sent their son up, who asked if I could help.
I went down and jumped the VW Polo.

That was it, a good deed.

I now have a box of Fox's biscuits.

Not asked for, but a nice surprize.

There was two scouring faces.

Their cat and the rude neighbour.

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

A small reward.

 

[angellonewolf]

I did help a neighbourhood visitor this morning.
They came down Boxing day to see their grand children on Boxing days. But the tailgate boot was left on.
They sent their son up, who asked if I could help.
I went down and jumped the VW Polo.

That was it, a good deed.

I now have a box of Fox's biscuits.

Not asked for, but a nice surprize.

There was two scouring faces.

Their cat and the rude neighbour.

i hope you gave the cat a pat on the head

and the rude neighbour a little wave as doing the job