Do all dad's get even more stubborn and impatient as they get older?

[northwest]

Im becoming more of a perfectionist as i get older, just wish there was time to do it all!

I have lost a great deal of sleep (and money) being a "perfectionist". I have decided that if it is good enough for me it is good enough. You know what I mean, that almost invisible mark that looks like a beacon to you but in reality you are the only one that sees it. That nagging doubt in the back of your mind that if anyone sees it (whatever "it" is) they won't give you another job so you spend so much time on it that if they didn't give you any more work it would be a blessing because you are working for tuppence and a balloon.

After many many years of being a hands on craftsman of one sort or another I am still amazed when people are complimentary of the work I do. I have only, in the last ten years or so, begun to understand that not everyone sees a practical problem the same way I do. Now I compensate for it and explain things a little more until I am satisfied they understand. Some people never will unfortunately.

 

[GRW]

Duct tape: For if it moves & it shouldn't.

WD40: For it is doesnt move but should.

 

[marlinspike]

My dad was a DIY bodger, to the point where he extended the wire that ran from my plastic topped 'music centre' to the plug socket and made the join with one of those little clear plastic joining blocks you use for car radios. Didn't wrap it in tape or anything. I did get a bad electric shock from it once.

I think all the fell to bits home made wardrobes and horrible car repairs made me less tolerant of it all. I only want things doing now if they're being done right. Not necessarily perfect but not like his stuff. I feel sorry now for what my mum had to put up with DIY wise.

 

[ajlelectronics]

WD40: For it is doesnt move but should. wet.

Corrected that for you!

 

[MattF]

Try not to feel this way, treat the bridge like SETI.

Every so often shout across the divide, a bridge may never be forthcoming or built but then again---you may be heard.

Depends whether someone wishes to rebuild bridges.

 

[MattF]

I have lost a great deal of sleep (and money) being a "perfectionist". I have decided that if it is good enough for me it is good enough.

Perfectionism is a good trait to have, but being able to control it is necessary, for one's own sanity if nothing else.

 

[chrismac]

Perfectionism is a good trait to have, but being able to control it is necessary, for one's own sanity if nothing else.

seen this exact thing, a guy I used to work with tried to be mm perfect with everything, way over and above what was needed in some cases,

 

[Morrisman]

I've got all this to come from both my parents.

Basically my Grandparents brought me up and my biggest regret is not being nicer to them at the time.

I've not turned out like my dad yet as I still have my wife and children, so hopefully I never will.

Luckily my wife's mum and dad are the perfect example of what Grandparents should be to our son and daughter and I'm eternal grateful for that.

Too many bridges burned for me now with both my parents but that's how life goes..

We don't have a lot of money but I've got all the time in the world for my two children and proud how they've both grown up.

Spend as much time as you can with them as they grow up fast.

My relationship with my daughter is the polar opposite of the bullying, vindictive and blatantly nasty treatment I got from my father, and mother to a degree.

He seemed to enjoy putting people down, mainly his family though, as by all accounts he was the nicest guy you’d wish to meet, according to people he worked in the RAF with.

It wasn’t until the very last year or so of his life that we could have ‘conversation’ rather than ‘competition’ whenever we were in the same room together. He drank a bottle of scotch a day for the last 30 years of his life, and if I was round his place I’d leave as soon as he picked up the first glass, as the mouth would start going immediately.

He grew so enfeebled eventually that all the ‘fight’ went out of him and we actually had proper conversations, with no one-upmanship and sarcasm. I wish we could have done that 50 years earlier.

He died 2 years ago, and I felt nothing. Which is sad in itself.

He was career RAF, taught avionics, electronics, and aerial photography. A brilliant man by all accounts, but a lousy father.

 

[Mad Mick]

I guess that the awful sounding upbringing that you had must have made you acutely aware of treating your daughter well………some people in that situation would have thought it a normal way to behave and would have treated the next generation equally badly. I think it needs intelligence to rise above such behaviour.

 

[ajlelectronics]

I guess that the awful sounding upbringing that you had must have made you acutely aware of treating your daughter well………some people in that situation would have thought it a normal way to behave and would have treated the next generation equally badly. I think it needs intelligence to rise above such behaviour.

I'm not so convinced. I had a violent childhood too, but it didn't give me the slightest inclination to "roll it downhill", quite the reverse.

 

[premmington]

I got nothing but full admiration for my Father.

I was the problem child with learning difficulties - he took me out of school aged 14/15 - taught me how to repair cars/lorries/agri plant - showed me how to price jobs - deal with money. Earn a living.

Aged 18 I started working for myself - aged 57 I not starved to death - I am still doing it after raising my own family - so my Dad did a good job. I cannot thank him enough for this - I left home to get married - equipped to earn a living - deal with people - I knew what not to do (and what not to get involved with).

Dad is in the last stages of dementia - he just about knows who you are - he no trouble at all - he was patient and well mannered chap in his own household all thru his life and this has come to the forefront latter in his life.

He still living at home with Mother independently (with a lot of help from us kids).

---------

To sum up my upbringing - when I got married - my Mother made a speech at the reception. And I quote...

"I am releasing the care of my dearest youngest son to his new wife - we are welcoming her into our family. If he comes back moaning about her - be warned I will take her side in any dispute - she is young girl starting out in life. I will treat her as a daughter and she is now in my care"

And true to her word (my Mother) - whatever disputes I have had with Julie over the long years - my Mother has always taken her side. It is unreal - whatever Julie does or did - it is never her fault - she can do wrong.

Honestly it's been like dealing with a covern of witches at times.

 

[Keithmac]

I guess that the awful sounding upbringing that you had must have made you acutely aware of treating your daughter well………some people in that situation would have thought it a normal way to behave and would have treated the next generation equally badly. I think it needs intelligence to rise above such behaviour.

I think that is just an excuse people roll out for bad behaviour and parenting imho.

If anything you go out of your way to bring your own children up better.

 

[premmington]

I think that is just an excuse people roll out for bad behaviour and parenting imho.

If anything you go out of your way to bring your own children up better.

You are a product of your childhood. You can't avoid this.

If you get a puppy and beat it everyday - you get a nasty dog in the end!

-------

My parents were poor - real poor agricultural background - they had me late in life (I was an acident on one of the few holiday's they had).

My Dad worked hard - he was a good provider. Mum liked feeding us kids - because in the early years she worked hard to feed a household - uncle lived with us - plus grandparents - nothing was wasted.

This has rubbed off on the three kids they had - all of us - have worked - saved and done well in life.

 

[Morrisman]

I guess that the awful sounding upbringing that you had must have made you acutely aware of treating your daughter well………some people in that situation would have thought it a normal way to behave and would have treated the next generation equally badly. I think it needs intelligence to rise above such behaviour.

To be honest, for quite a few years I did think that it was normal, that all guys had to be loud and obnoxious, angry, sarcastic etc whenever they were doing anything remotely difficult or arduous, like shopping, going on holiday, working on the car etc. I’m glad I realised how wrong it was before I got very old.

My 3 sisters and me all agree, how the hell could you treat your own children like he did, for most of their lives??

 

[Nomad]

OP: I don't think I've gotten any more stubborn or impatient as I got older, I'm just less bothered about hiding the fact that I'm stubborn and impatient
Your choice, like it or lump it, either is good

Duct tape: For if it moves & it shouldn't.

WD40: For it is doesn't move but should.

Normally I'd agree with you but today's welding session showed me that the gaffa tape fix done by somebody before I bought the mig isn't coping 100%.
Related, I tried WD40 to fix a badly leaking seal on my c02 fire extinguisher MIG GAS SUPPLY today and it's just not doing what's needed.

Who'd of thought it - gaffa tape and WD40 both let me down today. What is the world coming to ??

 

[Ed.]

Depends whether someone wishes to rebuild bridges.

Last I heard, the telescope SETI used, crashed and fell apart, ain't ever going to be used again.

 

[Tinbasherdan]

I guess that the awful sounding upbringing that you had must have made you acutely aware of treating your daughter well………some people in that situation would have thought it a normal way to behave and would have treated the next generation equally badly. I think it needs intelligence to rise above such behaviour.

Think that’s why my old fella looked after us so well. His mother was a horrible piece. When one of my sisters was born it was the day of his sisters wedding. He had popped out to phone the hospital for an update and they stopped the ceremony for him. He walked back in and said it’s a girl. His mothers response was “oh well, maybe better luck next time” as she wanted a grandson. Odd really as she had no interest in me or my life. I refused to go the funeral when she fell off the perch, I had zero time or interest for her.

Apparently she was a lovely, caring woman known for her kindness amongst her neighbours. She certainly wasn’t known for it in her family.