What have you lost that you put some wheres safe..

[northwest]

I probably take the prize of the century with this.
It was my better half's birthday at the beginning of this month and alongside the copper rose I wanted to buy her something exclusively for her. My "go to" in these situations is Hanro I really like their stuff so I bought her a bit of ladies underwear, while I was at it (here it comes) I bought the Ex wife a couple things too (I know, I know) and as is the way the box duly arrived. I packaged up what I had bought for the ex and sent them off in the post now what I have done with current Mrs NW's part of the delivery is anyone's guess, I have searched everywhere (i just know this is going to be a catalyst for some entertaining comments) and I just cannot find them, the real issue is I just cannot show the receipt to her or I am going to be handed my a$$ on a plate, the others on there are just not her style at all and she would realise, this has really bu&&ered my month up and cost me (so far) a leather coat, a full car valet and a meal out, I suspect we are not finished yet!

 

[Keith 66]

I lost a nice light 1/4 whit stahwille spanner about 35 years ago. It turned up last year when i was working on my moggy truck I was cutting some rust out of the door pillar & it fell out of the bottom!
I also lost a plaster mixer, searched & searched & in the end bought a new one. Go to the shed to get the drill to power it plus the hawk & trowel & i glance upwards.
There wedged into the rafters is the one i had "Lost".
And pencils, lots of them but i rarely find them again.

 

[8ob]

I lost a nice light 1/4 whit stahwille spanner about 35 years ago. It turned up last year when i was working on my moggy truck I was cutting some rust out of the door pillar & it fell out of the bottom!
I also lost a plaster mixer, searched & searched & in the end bought a new one. Go to the shed to get the drill to power it plus the hawk & trowel & i glance upwards.
There wedged into the rafters is the one i had "Lost".
And pencils, lots of them but i rarely find them again.

Would be there room next to that spanner for swmbo? I could do with thirty five years of peace and quiet

Bob

 

[zx9]

I probably take the prize of the century with this.
It was my better half's birthday at the beginning of this month and alongside the copper rose I wanted to buy her something exclusively for her. My "go to" in these situations is Hanro I really like their stuff so I bought her a bit of ladies underwear, while I was at it (here it comes) I bought the Ex wife a couple things too (I know, I know) and as is the way the box duly arrived. I packaged up what I had bought for the ex and sent them off in the post now what I have done with current Mrs NW's part of the delivery is anyone's guess, I have searched everywhere (i just know this is going to be a catalyst for some entertaining comments) and I just cannot find them, the real issue is I just cannot show the receipt to her or I am going to be handed my a$$ on a plate, the others on there are just not her style at all and she would realise, this has really bu&&ered my month up and cost me (so far) a leather coat, a full car valet and a meal out, I suspect we are not finished yet!

I remember when life was complicated though I don't think I ever got it that wrong, my worst was trying to remember who I had seen what film or band with. The two main parties are now able to joke about it to the extent that they wind me up by inventing concerts that I am eleged to have attended, it does not help that we lived within walking distance of the old Wembley Stadium so could hear many concerts that we did not actually go to.

So I suppose lost marbles is my what have I put somewhere.

 

[Smallfry]

I probably take the prize of the century with this.
It was my better half's birthday at the beginning of this month and alongside the copper rose I wanted to buy her something exclusively for her. My "go to" in these situations is Hanro I really like their stuff so I bought her a bit of ladies underwear, while I was at it (here it comes) I bought the Ex wife a couple things too (I know, I know) and as is the way the box duly arrived. I packaged up what I had bought for the ex and sent them off in the post now what I have done with current Mrs NW's part of the delivery is anyone's guess, I have searched everywhere (i just know this is going to be a catalyst for some entertaining comments) and I just cannot find them, the real issue is I just cannot show the receipt to her or I am going to be handed my a$$ on a plate, the others on there are just not her style at all and she would realise, this has really bu&&ered my month up and cost me (so far) a leather coat, a full car valet and a meal out, I suspect we are not finished yet!

Are you wearing them yourself, and forgotten ? All that sheer, silky and comfortable material against the skin etc.

This is a very intriguing situation. We MUST know more, now that Pandora's box has been opened

 

[northwest]

This is a very intriguing situation. We MUST know more, now that Pandora's box has been opened

It is bloody frightening is what it is and I just know it is going to bite me in the ass at some point.

 

[Smallfry]

I don't need to put anything in a safe place to irretrievably lose it. Latest thing is a Renault Master front bumper.

It has been found ! I mention to SWMBO how I am losing the plot, either that, or it has been stolen from the garden, and getting angry.

Oh that, she said. I put it in the spare room (ground floor, patio doors) because it was in the way of the washing ............

 

[Bobupndown]

I have a small hidden safe and i remember there is about £800 in it but since last November i cant find the key

Thought you were going to say you'd lost the hidden safe.

I probably take the prize of the century with this.
It was my better half's birthday at the beginning of this month and alongside the copper rose I wanted to buy her something exclusively for her. My "go to" in these situations is Hanro I really like their stuff so I bought her a bit of ladies underwear, while I was at it (here it comes) I bought the Ex wife a couple things too (I know, I know) and as is the way the box duly arrived. I packaged up what I had bought for the ex and sent them off in the post now what I have done with current Mrs NW's part of the delivery is anyone's guess, I have searched everywhere (i just know this is going to be a catalyst for some entertaining comments) and I just cannot find them, the real issue is I just cannot show the receipt to her or I am going to be handed my a$$ on a plate, the others on there are just not her style at all and she would realise, this has really bu&&ered my month up and cost me (so far) a leather coat, a full car valet and a meal out, I suspect we are not finished yet!

Will the ex not be a bit surprised you've sent her some new lingerie

 

[Keith 66]

I expect the third wife will get a lawn mower for Xmas.

 

[arther dailey]

Would be there room next to that spanner for swmbo? I could do with thirty five years of peace and quiet

Bob

?? you have digging kit ...

 

[pedrobedro]

I probably take the prize of the century with this.
It was my better half's birthday at the beginning of this month and alongside the copper rose I wanted to buy her something exclusively for her. My "go to" in these situations is Hanro I really like their stuff so I bought her a bit of ladies underwear, while I was at it (here it comes) I bought the Ex wife a couple things too (I know, I know) and as is the way the box duly arrived. I packaged up what I had bought for the ex and sent them off in the post now what I have done with current Mrs NW's part of the delivery is anyone's guess, I have searched everywhere (i just know this is going to be a catalyst for some entertaining comments) and I just cannot find them, the real issue is I just cannot show the receipt to her or I am going to be handed my a$$ on a plate, the others on there are just not her style at all and she would realise, this has really bu&&ered my month up and cost me (so far) a leather coat, a full car valet and a meal out, I suspect we are not finished yet!

This reminded me of a joke.
A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and sent it to her with this note. Dearest Darling, This is a little gift to show my affection for you on our Anniversary. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night. All my love, P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing.

Read More: https://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/gloveandpantiesjoke.html

 

[northwest]

Thought you were going to say you'd lost the hidden safe.

Will the ex not be a bit surprised you've sent her some new lingerie

Not in the slightest, we talk almost every day and get on far better now we are no longer married, she is a great person (mostly) we just cannot live together. We were married for almost thirty years so you get to learn a bit about a person when you are together so long.
Also Ex Mrs NW would never consciously do anything to upset current Mrs NW as she knows it would really upset me and she really likes her. I know, but not nearly so odd as my pal David who married Barbara, after divorcing her (identical twin) sister. It was strange because I would go round his house and they would both be in the kitchen and I would get them mixed up. It was very odd.

 

[arther dailey]

Not in the slightest, we talk almost every day and get on far better now we are no longer married, she is a great person (mostly) we just cannot live together. We were married for almost thirty years so you get to learn a bit about a person when you are together so long.
Also Ex Mrs NW would never consciously do anything to upset current Mrs NW as she knows it would really upset me and she really likes her. I know, but not nearly so odd as my pal David who married Barbara, after divorcing her (identical twin) sister. It was strange because I would go round his house and they would both be in the kitchen and I would get them mixed up. It was very odd.

interesting ,weird but interesting

 

[Cobbler]

On a similar tale, I heard of someone that had a holiday fling with a girl, one day she’d be warm & passionate, next day cool & distant, this went on for the whole holiday. On the last day, a pair of identical twins turned up, they had been sharing him on alternate days. I don’t know what the state of play was on the last day though

 

[Seadog]

I know a pair of twins. Unfortunately one is married

 

[Bullet2012]

I know a pair of twins. Unfortunately one is married

Is that 4 people ?

 

[Keith 66]

I know a pair of twins, brothers. It is said that even their girlfriends could not tell them apart. And yes they took advantage of this numerous times.

 

[Seadog]

Is that 4 people ?

A pair as in a brace of pheasants, for example

 

[cheb]

A pair as in a brace of pheasants, for example

They can't be identical twins then, a brace of pheasants should be one hen and one cock bird.

 

[Bullet2012]

A pair as in a brace of pheasants, for example

A pair is two, twins are two, two plus two equals four.