what kids say

[naughtyboy]

mates wife is primary school teacher, he was telling last night what one of kids said in front of parents at drop time.

kid 1 says he saw muumy kiss daddies friend at his wedding.
kid 2 replied she saw muumy kissing uncle ***** willy while daddy was at work.

girls mum didnt know where to look when all other parents stared at her.

 

[rtbcomp]

My brother told all our neighbours that the doctor had told mum to stop drinking so much.

In fact doc. had told mum to cut down on tea to help her migraine!

 

[stuvy]

i took my niece to the local shop for sweets she asked me why the man infront was so fat!!?

i just said he must like cakes more than me
he muttered something along the lines of gladular problems, whoops

 

[gavuk]

Love it.........yep really love it

 

[pedrobedro]

Sister in law had had some major dental work done and was heavily medicated. Her daughter put in her school journal " Daddy had to get tea ready because mum was drunk on the settee "

 

[drivewasher]

30 yrs ago when my oldest Pete was about 2 in his pushchair wifey's mate gave him an orange. Wifey say to hiw "well what do you say to Cath" Pete promptly replied "PEEL IT"

 

[rtbcomp]

I was having a meal with a friend and his family when his youngest daughter pipes up "Mummy, if daddy dies can Roger come and live with us?"

Deadly silence all round!

 

[the snooper]

was at a mates workshop when the milkman arrived his young son starred at the milk man and just blurted out god havnt you got a big nose, we all moved inside quite quickly

 

[chunkolini]

Hmmmph.
My boy is 16.

 

[Premiershipman]

Make sure always to say knife and fork at dinner time, otherwise you get asked where's my fork and knife (forkin knife.!)

Also a friend posted this on her wall - from america but funny all the same - always check your child's homework !!

 

[anjum]

That's magical!

 

[Wallace]

My yougest stepson Charlie was about five and we were having problems getting him to stay in bed at night. I tried getting down to his level and speaking to him like Supernanny while he sat on the settee for the umpteenth time of getting up. I asked him: "Charlie, what is it going to take to get you to stay in bed when you are supposed to?" to which he replied: "Money!" Stopped me dead in my tracks!

Another time walking through the High Street one evening on the way home after a meal out when Charlie was about 6, for no reason we could think of he shouted: "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

 

[rtbcomp]

I suspect Charlie is going to become an international criminal and extortionist, keep well in with him!

 

[MrFluffy]

We were having problems with our motorhome last year (new driveshafts and diff issues now fixed), and I did it all myself lying under it in the dirt barn on ramps including reshimming the diff preload etc.

After its sort of done, we're eating dinner the next day, and my 7 yo asks me "hows c**t today dad?", I spat out what I was eating and my mrs reaction was the same. So keeping a level head I ask him to repeat it slowly, and carefully again, "hows c**t today?". I stare at him it isn't a pronouciation issue, he has it nailed spot on, and he by now twigs somethings up, so he says "you know, c**t, the motorhome, thats what name you were calling it yesterday while you were working on it". It does have a name, but its called "mabel", and my wife was not at all amused by the renaming. But then, she doesnt have to work on the damn thing...

Making a effort to mind my p&q's more since...

 

[pedrobedro]

I needed new tyres on the Honda a few years ago and had it on the centre stand with a scissor jack under the front. I removed both wheels and was loading them into the car and Grandson who was six at the time asked "Are you making it into a hover bike grandad ?"

 

[rtbcomp]

...... "hows c**t today dad?", ...

I remember telling my parents the "B***s to the canon" joke before I knew what I was saying

 

[Premiershipman]

The worst I have said is 'barstard' whilst attempting to get light circuit wires into a ceiling rose and having the screw drop out.

Didn't realise at the time that the young fella was standing next to me and he repeated it perfectly.

I managed to assure him that I was saying it was 'busted' which seemed to gloss over everything.

The missus, being a redhead, needs to curb her language at times, as she has on occasion said 'You're doing my f***in head in' when she has had enough of the kids pestering etc, at which point I reprimand her on her language.

My mate swears like a trooper and his son went to a friend's house to play, walked up the ladder to the trampoline and remarked ....'F***in hell' at the top of his voice !

 

[gordon stephenson]

My daughter that is 42 and still has horses, Well when she was about 6 years old and starting to learn to ride we all went to a local beach in the summer,On the beach were around 6 horses with a couple of gypsy type blokes giving the kids rides for money,Duly paid the men and he set off leading the horse in quite a big circle. When daughter got back from her turn I asked her "was that good,did the horse have a name" She replied yes it was called c**t, she said yes the man leading it kept saying "come on c**t" I was quite worried enybody would ask what she had done on our family outing!!

 

[Wallace]

Justified Swearing

My friends grandson, he was about 5 at the time and had one of those mats with a roadway printed on for his toy cars that he loved to death. He went upstairs to fetch it one day and could be heard muttering and tutting as he was coming down the stairs getting a bit wound up and the next thing they heard was the sound you dread with kids and stairs; bump, bump, bump and then he shouted "Oh for f***s sake!". Turns out he had picked the mat up long ways and was walking down the stairs with it in front of him arms stretched up over his head and kept standing on the bottom of it and eventually fell down the stairs!

His Nan called him a clever c**t and the mat was ok too.

 

[dannymac]

30 yrs ago when my oldest Pete was about 2 in his pushchair wifey's mate gave him an orange. Wifey say to hiw "well what do you say to Cath" Pete promptly replied "PEEL IT"

lol