MetalMonkey
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If you choose to do work outside your agreed hours, and not have it recognised then more fool you. Yes I know it is expected. But its only expected because people roll over and accept it. You want me to do work you pay for it.
In many ways it's an admirable attitude, but it doesn't really work that way in practice - and won't get you very far in a career these days.
In the same way that being self-employed doesn't mean you can just suddenly wake up and decide to have the week at the beach instead. Technically you could, but it doesn't really work that way in practice.
I think regardless of whether you are PAYE or SE, the best thing is to try and find a way to enjoy your work, certainly that's not possible all the time - but it should give you a feeling of accomplishment if nothing else.