I don't want to make you Jealous, but...

[skotl]

Whilst the wife is away in Rome on Holiday, I've had...

Red hot Chilli Con Carne 3 times,
Red Hot Curry twice,
A 5-Rasher Bacon-and-Egg Banjo twice,
Made 300 rounds of Ammo whilst sat at the Dining Table,
Eaten 3 Mini Swiss Rolls at one sitting.
Purchased and drunk an expensive bottle of rather yummy Vino,
Run my Whitworth spanners and sockets through the Dishwasher,
Repeatedly broken wind loudly and without showing remorse of any kind.

What have you done recently that would make us all jealous??

Boy is away to his uncle. Wife was scheduled to go out with her friend tonight (Friday).

Had a brainwave, called my daughter to see if she could take the dog. She said yes so I booked two nights at a fancy hotel in Edinburgh.
Wife is out with her friend - expect her back at the hotel maybe 1am / 2am - I've had an awesome Nepalese curry and am now in the hotel bar nursing my second old-fashioned and working through the forum. Then we have a weekend of it from tomorrow.
What's not to like? A bit of solitude (+ you lot) and then some time with my favourite wife

 

[DAPPH]

and neither will you, while the mrs enjoys the locals over there might as well enjoy a little bit of romance while there

I wonder ...is her name or maiden name Shirly Valentine by any chance ?

 

[MattF]

and then some time with my favourite wife

You have more than one?

 

[KemppiFrog]

She would most likely kill him

She won't need to, if he keeps up the diet, that will do for him..

 

[addjunkie]

You have more than one?

The term “current” wife springs to mind!

 

[redlig]

The term “current” wife springs to mind!

Try introducing SHMBO as " my first wife" .

 

[addjunkie]

Try introducing SHMBO as " my first wife" .

I once witnessed a friend say. “My next ex wife over there!”

It spoilt his evening when she came over and threw her drink in his face! That'll teach him for assuming she never listened to the rubbish he spouts. They are still married, not sure how.

 

[maroon]

6 is the perfect number. 3 each way.

Needs black pudding to be a perfect sarnie.

And mushrooms. Blacker the better. Hi fry gas mark fully open. Crispy on the outside.
I don't do the banjo egg. I break the yolk for a sandwich. Can't be doing with a runny mess....
I think sausages are a ridiculous thing to have in a sandwich. unless it's scotch flat sausage. And it fits.

 

[slim_boy_fat]

I think sausages are a ridiculous thing to have in a sandwich.

Slice them down the middle and open them like a clamshell before frying, they work then.

 

[Scalarocco]

Slice them down the middle and open them like a clamshell before frying, they work then.

Exactly! Although I'm a fan of lorne sausage too.

 

[eLuSiVeMiTe]

Slice them down the middle and open them like a clamshell before frying, they work then.

Better to part fry then slice.