Funny work story ....

[brightspark]

a mate of mine got the sack from the council refuge wagon. he used to go down the back of the street houses collecting the bins someone complained he hadn't emptied there bin as it was too heavy and stunk of curry the next week he emptied it and just chucked the bin over the back wall . there was an almighty crash of glass it went through a greenhouse roof on the other side they said he did it on purpose so got the old heave ho

 

[Melvyn Best]

My wife’s late step brother was a driver on a bin lorry , he was on his round in Cambridge city center when one of the loaders told him there was smoke coming from inside the load, his response was to tell the loaders to work quicker and smother the fire! After finishing his round he was driving to the landfill site with flames coming out of the load , he didn’t want to be late finishing so carried on and emptied his load where the fire was put out, when questioned by his boss he said he saw the flames but didn’t dare stop as he was passing through a residential area, jammy sod was made out to be a hero!

 

[S-Rail]

back in 2000 I used to do alot of work on site and in the factory for my father inlaw as a subbie , during my time I ran all site works for him and was treated like his wing man . I had the power to choose who went on site with me , as I had to top wing men I would take , one was a top tig guy and the other a proper problem sover , the rest werent worth a **** .

Anyway , new guy ( gobby little twonk ) starts and thinks he is the bees knees and god to the welding world , quite abruptly started throwing labels at people , ie "Mig Pig" , never heard it before and those of us who knew just let him think he was funny .. days of it relentless ... a month or two later , he came up to me assuming hed been there long enough he should be "allowed" on site and why did I never choose him as he siad the next job was stainless work and I was just a "mig pig" ..

Sooo , I just laughed at him , so did the other lad I went on site with . He started saying he was going to the boss and complaining , we told him to crack on , 5 minutes later he comes out the office as we are fuelling our cups up , his head down on his chest .

I later find out from the boss , he went storming in , kicking off ..... to which my FIL says , " its not my fault if my son inlaw doesnt want to work with you " To which the penny dropped for him . Never spoke to me again

If only Carlsberg did ..........

 

[Keith 66]

My first job in 79 was at Thames Marine's boat factory, great job & blokes.
A lad same age as me started about the same time as a cleaner. He was loud & mouthy & lazy. Now several blokes there had started as cleaners & become moulders so he had an ideal opportunity to show willing & learn the fibreglassing trade. Oh no he wasnt going to do that. A fortnight after starting he turned a forklift truck over out in the road where he shouldnt have been.
Narrowly escaped being sacked & became even more bolshy. He found another job & handed his notice in then every day verbally rubbished everyone.
On his last day a gang of moulders grabbed him first thing tied his ankles & hands together behind his back & placed him facedown on a stack of pallets in the middle of the moulding shop, his broom stuffed down the back of his neck & out through the seat of his pants. He wriggled & swore so out came the firehose to cool him down. Then it was a bucket of ****. He was there all day & everyone walked past him to go to tea & lunch.
At clocking off time everyone walked out & left him there, he was eventually released by the foreman just before he locked up.
I met the bloke 20 years later in the pub & he hadnt improved! Some people never learn.

 

[Revs1972]

Bosses young nephew (looked like Walter the softy) was very mouthy and didn't listen to a couple of older sparks when told to reign it in a bit. He kept it up for weeks and ****** a lot of people off soooo we got permission from nephews uncle to sort him out one Friday afternoon....
We grabbed him and put him in an empty site box (about 5x3x4 feet with a lockable lid) and told him he's staying there till Saturday morning. We went tuning all the lights off and locked doors etc and had a cup of tea for about half an hour.
When we went back it was very very quiet
We lifted the lid and he didn't move a muscle! Ended up lifting him out still crouched in a ball crying silently...
It took an hour to get him to stand up and talk....

Funnily enough he wasn't mouthy ever again!
Probably be arrested now for that one

Yeah, and no doubt he would be off with stress / ptsd and claiming benefits for them for the rest of his life

I remember when we were apprentices, and my mate who worked out in the workshop shortchanged one of the gorillas on the Saturday morning butty run.
Literally picked him up by one ankle and shook him upside down until his money dropped out his pockets. He never did that again

 

[Cobbler]

Many years ago there was a school for naughty & uncontrollable girls near us, a sort of approved school. The electricians were working there & the girls got hold of the apprentice, stripped him naked & chucked him out. Poor lad wasn’t seen for several days, I have no idea how he got home.

There are several other tales relating to that school, most unfit for this forum. I shall have to have a think as to how I can relay them without causing offence

 

[Feet 'n Inches]

Years back in the late 70s me and a young apprentice were putting up a fire escape at a fairly posh, mixed residential secondary school which had a reputation for being unconventional. The fire escape was fixed to a flat roof and a window had been knocked through for access to the escape. This entrance led to a corridor to the girls' dorm. We arrived one morning at a time when a few girls were parading up and down the corridor with hardly a stitch of clothing on. The poor apprentice didn't know where to look and when he did his faced turned almost beetroot in colour and his jaw dropped wide open. He got poked several times to bring him back to reality. It was quite a sight to see . . . both him and the girls.

 

[James1979]

I’ve seen someone have a broom across their back through both sleeves Of their overalls and then hooked onto the gantry crane. Now I’ve heard of positional asphyxiation it’s a bit dangerous but it was funny at the time!

pal has a spray shop south. They get lots of mouthy boys. One got a car window shut on his neck, the guys then pushed the car into the oven still with him stuck in the window and left the oven on over lunch. Only on low but it taught him a lesson!

another kid at the same place was constantly being a knob. They stripped him, tied his hands and put a ball gag and a strap on on him and chucked him out the fire exit straight into the rush hour traffic! It’s only banter apparently!!

 

[HopefullySoon]

*Update on original lesson / story *

Tues my crew (same were excellent) it went downhill slowly ... not massively but lesson not learnt apparently .....

Twice this week I have seen the "covert" nissan leaf from work following us .... I've never said or warned it is so let's play !

Playing leap frog over bins and goofing around wont advance their cause ....



I've had other crews loaders tell me "your not the weak link ... " some I've worked with briefly some for a bit of time .

He is THE loader I dumped !

 

[Wallace]

I worked with an apprentice in '89 (his Father was Press Shop Manager) who was one the laziest useless gits I have ever encountered in my working life. He had no interest in the job or learning and I eventually had to ask my Foreman not to put him with me as I had been at the point of losing my temper with him on more than one occasion, much the same as rest of the Maintenance Department. It transpired they had been hoping that as I was nearer his age (about 5-6 years older) I might get along with him.

One evening I was using a floor cleaner with wire brushes on to prepare the concrete for a power press move and he walked past me from behind and I nearly caught his boot with the machine that could be a bit lively with the wire brushes on and he started mouthing off at me about deliberately trying to run him over so I carried on with the job and and ignored him. He continued shouting at me and stood in the way so I had to stop the machine and that was when he poked me.

Red mist took over and I grabbed him by the collars of his overalls pushing him backwards into the boiler room. He was still full of himself and grabbing at the sliding door as he thought I was going to lock him in there but all the mouthiness changed to begging and pleading when I shut the door behind me. I let him know what I thought of him in quite an angry manner. Quite unexpectedly he did not go running to his Father or Management but kept out of my way from then on.

Within days, I was present with two others when he kicked off at our Foreman who surprisingly punched him to the floor. The Foreman stayed with company and the apprentice was asked to find alternative employment, the last I heard he was working at an Estate Agents.

 

[HopefullySoon]

an apprentice in '89 (his Father was Press Shop Manager) who was one the laziest useless gits I have ever encountered in my working life ....

I was present with two others when he kicked off at our Foreman ...

.

One of then was shouting / Screaming at the main man , Some people have a lot to learn

 

[jimbo84]

I’ve seen someone have a broom across their back through both sleeves Of their overalls and then hooked onto the gantry crane. Now I’ve heard of positional asphyxiation it’s a bit dangerous but it was funny at the time!

We had a gobby apprentice when I was an apprentice and a few of the fellas in the workshop grabbed him and did the same, he wasn't a small lad either.

 

[Melvyn Best]

We had a gobby apprentice when I was an apprentice and a few of the fellas in the workshop grabbed him and did the same, he wasn't a small lad either.

I had a broom shoved through my overall sleeves and was the suspended by the broom from a four poster lift and left there while everyone went to lunch. They were all surprised when I walked out of the workshop a couple of minutes later minus broom . I also had my wedding tackle lubricated which was fairly standard for all apprentices , I was grabbed in a bear hug by a 6 ft 3 inch guy from behind while I was working at a bench , it shouldn’t have been any contest as I’m only 5 ft 3 but he didn’t expect my reaction and we both ended up on the floor where I was grabbed by half a dozen guys before a gear oil pump nozzle was shoved in my pants. Have I ever told you how much EP90 stinks?

 

[Mick Annick]

I had a broom shoved through my overall sleeves and was the suspended by the broom from a four poster lift and left there while everyone went to lunch. They were all surprised when I walked out of the workshop a couple of minutes later minus broom . I also had my wedding tackle lubricated which was fairly standard for all apprentices , I was grabbed in a bear hug by a 6 ft 3 inch guy from behind while I was working at a bench , it shouldn’t have been any contest as I’m only 5 ft 3 but he didn’t expect my reaction and we both ended up on the floor where I was grabbed by half a dozen guys before a gear oil pump nozzle was shoved in my pants. Have I ever told you how much EP90 stinks?

I had similar, 18th birthday, dragged out of the workshop, stripped and meat and two veg daubed with open gear lube (black treacle-like stuff) and covered with sawdust. I was livid, only thing that would shift it was white spirit, was in the shower for hours...

 

[Nauticus]

Several years ago I was spending a few days each week on a site where a log building was being put up over a swimming pool. The building erection was run by just two very experienced and capable lads - Biffa and Jamie, who always worked together. They also had a general labourer whom I'd not seen before. I began to notice that Biffa and Jamie appeared to be getting a bit irritated the the labourer's constant boasting of what he had done and what he could do - how fit he was etc etc. It was a constant stream. It was even beginning to niggle me and I was not involved with the log building.

Suddenly, I heard Biffa talking rather pointedly to Jamie, saying that he can hold up a full bag of cement and do 20 'push-ups' with it over his head. "Bet YOU cant do that" said Biffa, turning to the labourer!

A red rag to a bull, as they say.

"Easy!' said the mouthy labourer, swallowing the bait, and ran over to a pallet of cement bags, followed by the two lads. Biffa stood in front of 'Mouthy' and said "Hold it at up each end - arms apart. Rest it on your head and then push up and fully straighten your arms. Count to 5 and lower it back onto your head. !'ll count and see how many times you can do that!"

I simply watched, having no idea what was about to happen.

Jamie was standing behind 'Mouthy', and as the heavy cement bag went above Mouthy's head for the third time, Jamie's hand shot out with a Stanley knife and sliced across the middle of the bag - which promptly collapsed and emptied its entire contents all over the mouthy labourer.

'Mouthy' was completely grey from head to foot. Biffa and Jamie just chuckled and went back to work. As I was standing nearby, I hosed him down. It took over 20 minutes to help wash all the cement out of his hair, body and clothes. It was a hot summer's day so he quickly dried out - but after that 'Mouthy' was much more subdued and quieter. He didn't appear to hold a grudge and for the few short times that I saw him after that he was far more pleasant and not at all boastful.

I heard later that this trick had been played a few times in the past. "We don't approve of it" said one of the directors, "but sometimes its the only way to deal with some people".

Malc.

 

[HopefullySoon]

I'm regarded as an "aloof" figure in the yard ...

I keep.myself to myself , sort my own **** out and if WE (used loosley) need help , you can bet your life if a loader your ringing round ... not me !

Thurs 4 other crews turned up.... I wasnt on the phone
.....

 

[northwest]

"Easy!' said the mouthy labourer, swallowing the bait, and ran over to a pallet of cement bags, followed by the two lads. Biffa stood in front of 'Mouthy' and said "Hold it at up each end - arms apart. Rest it on your head and then push up and fully straighten your arms. Count to 5 and lower it back onto your head. !'ll count and see how many times you can do that!"

Sack of plaster works equally as well.

Not that I would know.

 

[Bobtail4x4]

as a shy 16-17 yr old one of my jobs was to take stuff round the other offices,
one of the girls in the solicitors office took a shine to me (she would be mid 30s) her mates manhandled me into a storeroom with her,
I was terrified, and legged it,
a year later having done some growing up I wanted a rematch.

 

[Feet 'n Inches]

'Mouthy' was completely grey from head to foot. Biffa and Jamie just chuckled and went back to work. As I was standing nearby, I hosed him down. It took over 20 minutes to help wash all the cement out of his hair, body and clothes.

Good job it wasn't a quick dry cement like Jetcem. Could have put new meaning into the expression 'concrete overcoat'.

 

[MBB]

I was grabbed by a bunch of ladies when I was a kid in a large factory. On of the older ladies stuck my face in her quite large bosom. All the ladies started to laugh thinking I was embarrassed Then I said "do it again". It was me who ended up laughing along with the ladies.