Bullying at work.

[ouchmyfinger]

A pet hate of mine all my life, i agrre with Matt, stand up to him, every coward ive ever seen , and at my age ive seen a few, big or small they have,nt got the guts of a cockroach, and i,l tell you anyone who can air this thread has got balls of steel. Good luck.
Paul

 

[Hugh Jass]

OK, I have stood up to the bully.
I have told him to treat me better.
And he is a coward, I remember that he looked hurt and he was quiet for a while.
Then the next day he started again, I'm not at work to battle with peoples psycological problems I'm there to cut,punch and weld metal.
I know that if it carried on it would proberbly end in punches, the owner would let it get that far.

 

[Hugh Jass]

But really I think from reading this thread it now seems obvious what I should do.
Thanks for the advice.

 

[F.J.]

Obvious answer is to carry on working there until you find another job. Good luck hunting.

While you are there as others have mentioned get him to show you how he does it (You need the knowledge and it puts him on the spot to prove his worth as a welder). But also, as you have just stated, he is still being an **** with you, wait til lunch time when everyone is together in the canteen (if he still acts like a dick at dinner time) tell him he's a dick, and that you probably assume that everyone else at work thinks he's a dick but wont say anything. Doing this will make him feel like the idiot that he is and good chances are that he'll stay away from you. I did this once to a guy i used to work with, he was really cocky and only got his laughs at other peoples expense. I could of lamped him but making him look stupid as he did to everyone else worked even better, not just for me but for eveyone else that we worked with.

 

[ronan]

You can have all the revenge fantasies you want but the best way to progress is to move on, its better for your mental health and you won't do your best work while under this type of pressure. I finished the last year of my apprenticeship in a hell hole like the one you're in and the day i walked out felt like a ton of lead had been lifted off me.

 

[Engineer1964]

I had quite a big write up on my website about bullying, Not all people know the reasons why do people bully?

The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullying has nothing to do with managing etc; good managers manage, bad managers bully. Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Therefore, anyone who chooses to bully is admitting their inadequacy, and the extent to which a person bullies is a measure of their inadequacy. Bullies project their inadequacy on to others:

a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it;
b) to avoid accepting responsibility for their behavior and the effect it has on others, and,
c) to reduce their fear of being seen for what they are, namely a weak, inadequate and often incompetent individuals, and,
d) to divert attention away from their inadequacy - in an insecure or badly-managed workplace, this is how inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs.

Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Prosperity is illusory and such organisations are a bad long-term investment. Projection and denial are hallmarks of the serial bully.

Bullying...

is a form of abuse, and bullies - and unenlightened employers - often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet, using threats of disciplinary action, dismissal, and gagging clauses. What bullies fear most is exposure of their inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. This makes sense when you remember that the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy are often incompetent.

A bully is a person who

•has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour
•wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but who is unable and unwilling to accept the responsibilities that are a prerequisite for being part of the adult world.
•abdicates and denies responsibility for their behaviour and its consequences (abdication and denial are common features of bullying)
•is unable and unwilling to recognise the effect of their behaviour on others
•does not want to know of any other way of behaving
•is unwilling to recognise that there could be better ways of behaving.
Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be unable to survive without a current target.

The Two Main Types of Bullying are..

Serial bullying is where the source of all dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who picks on one employee after another and destroys them. This is the most common type of bullying I come across; most of this web site is devoted to describing and defining the serial bully, who exhibits the behavioural characteristics of a socialised psychopath. Most people know at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully; most people do not recognise this person as a socialised psychopath, or sociopath. I estimate one person in thirty is either a physically-violent psychopath who commits criminal acts, or an antisocial whose behaviour is antisocial, or a sociopath who commits mostly non-arrestable offences.

and Pair bullying is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens. Usually it's the quiet one you need to watch.

Why me?

There are many reasons how and why bullies target others, and the reasons are consistent between cases. There are many myths and stereotypes such as "victims are weak" which I deconstruct on my myths page. Bullying often repeats because the reasons that bullies target their victims don't change, hence this section also answers the questions "Why do I keep getting bullied" and "Why do bullies continue to bully me?".

1) How do bullies select their targets?

The bully selects their target using the following criteria:

•bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors
•being good at your job, often excelling
•being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
•more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear
•being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)
•having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise
•having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)
•having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited
•being too old or too expensive (usually both)
•refusing to join an established clique
•showing independence of thought or deed
•refusing to become a corporate clone and drone
Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions) are strong motivators of bullying.

Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible

Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:

•popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully)
•competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully)
•intelligence and intellect
•honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
•you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable
•a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise
•you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same
•successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude
•a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness
•imaginative, creative, innovative
•idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer, and the world
•ability to master new skills
•ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture
•sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance etc)
•slow to anger
•helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
•giving and selfless
•difficulty saying no
•diligent, industrious
•tolerant
•strong sense of honour
•irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it
•an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc)
•low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than through violence or legal action)
•a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from taking grievance and legal action)
•a desire to always think well of others
•being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise
•being unwilling to lower standards
•a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon
•high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power
•a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking
•low assertiveness
•a need to feel valued
•quick to apologise when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)
•perfectionism
•higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt
•a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable
•high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent
•a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it

You can call the Acas Helpline and get some free advice on workplace bullying

Helpline number

Monday-Friday, 8am-8pm and Saturday, 9am-1pm: 08457 47 47 47.

But personally i would start looking for another job, and Good Luck

 

[zzr1200]

We have a newish general manager at work who brought his sidekick (our new workshop manager) with him from his old firm, hes only there for back up and to take the flack when it goes wrong.

Anyway my new general manager is a loud mouthed idiot who thinks he can talk to "His Workers" how he wants, he "Wanted to have a discussion with me" but he made the mistake of inviting his sidekick to "The Meeting" as well.

I could see a stitch up coming a mile off ...

I simply took out my mobile phone and started recorded the meeting, the general manager didn't like this and wanted me to stop the recording, I pointed out that it was one sided without a witness for me and I wanted a recorded record of the meeting.

He even phoned HR for advice, I recorded the meeting he even stopped taking notes after 7 minutes, the meeting lasted for 40+minutes. Nothing has been said about he meeting only because he can't rewrite/rephrase the content of the meeting as its been recorded.

Workers 1. Management 0.

 

[Glyn]

Approach your boss, pull out a voice recorder, tell him your going to hand your notice in and see about constructive dissmisal. Say you've recorded all the abuse and the conversation where your boss said he knows about it but you'll be first to go.

 

[ronan]

Approach your boss, pull out a voice recorder, tell him your going to hand your notice in and see about constructive dissmisal. Say you've recorded all the abuse and the conversation where your boss said he knows about it but you'll be first to go.

While i agree with this approach you might find the bully is cleverer than you think and can claim that any criticism was just that , criticism of the work done, if verbal abuse is recorded than of course thats different.
Is there any trade union in the job ? They might help.

 

[oilcooled :)]

You make the tea, if your doing your best and getting grief, well i would put laxative in his tea and knock lumps out of him with ou t laying a fist on him

 

[Pete.]

Approach your boss, pull out a voice recorder, tell him your going to hand your notice in and see about constructive dissmisal. Say you've recorded all the abuse and the conversation where your boss said he knows about it but you'll be first to go.

Will it do much good recording anything though? AFAIK you can't do anything with a recording of a private conversation except listen to it yourself, unless the person you were having the conversation with knew about it at the time.

You could try telling him right away that any further conversations you have will be recorded, and that might cover it, but otherwise the recordings are useless.

 

[Glyn]

Does your boss know that? Call his bluff? I'm not big on law but if you plan on leaving a job you like because of an idiot, see how he reacts. Maybe if the bully got forced to change his ways because of something you did, people there might feel more relaxed and enjoy work rather than be miserable.

 

[Gritineye]

Being self employed I didn't have to suffer bullies, but at one place I did occasional work the foreman was a bully and obviously had been promoted way above his level of competence.

When not out bullying he skulked in in his office drinking endless cups of tea.

I asked the workers how they put up with him, they said they used to be really upset by him, but since they started taking it in turns to p*55 in his kettle every morning before he got in, they felt much better!

More than one way to skin a cat, Knowing what the bloke was like, I think if he ever found out he it would finish him off.

 

[voipio]

From the description at the beginning, of no one speaking to anyone else, it does seem that the other workers have all been ground down by this person's behaviour, and are now totally peed off and depressed. But have bills to pay and it may, to them, be all they know, job-wise so they stick with it. It's not good for the soul, however!

To me there are two solutions, leave, as pretty much everyone else on this board has suggested, either straight away, or when you have a job to go to, or ask each of the others in turn what they think of the bully. They may be reluctant to talk at first, but it might just be possible to prise open a small crack and get them to start talking. In a sense, you're all in this together, and it might be possible to get the others on side. If the bully found you and the others were all willing to stand up for each other, he would certainly feel intimidated. It needn't be done with raised voices, just quietly. If he picked on one of you and the others all stopped work, came over, and basically said or gaive him the "body language" to leave the one being picked on alone, it might have the desired effect, but it will have to be consistent, and the bully might try new ways to manipulate you.

It's a difficult one!!

 

[Scamp]

This is a very difficult subject and compounded by the fact that you seem to have found a career that you truly love. Times are not as easy as they were and it is not as easy to move on as it used to be - especially as a mature improver (please don't be offended by the term - I do not mean it as a put down)

I would try and turn his overly strong put downs to work for you. Insist that he explains to you clearly what he feels your mistakes are - use him to increase your knowledge.

If that won't work then try getting your co-workers to explain how to do what the bully is telling you that you've done wrong. Engaging them in parting with there skill and knowledge might make them feel better and change the dynamic of the place. It's just a thought - but I feel it could be a little optimistic.

Personally though I think the writing is really on the wall for you moving on - I wouldn't be able to stand that kind of environment.

Best of luck fella

 

[Cris B]

The problem here is the big boss, the one who is letting the bully get away with this and has know about his behaviour for the last 23 years.

Time to find a different job.

 

[ronan]

The problem here is the big boss, the one who is letting the bully get away with this and has know about his behaviour for the last 23 years.

Time to find a different job.

If he is there 23 years you have no chance of shifting him , hand in notice and tell the boss and d**khead what you think of them both, you'll feel all the better for it.

 

[brightspark]

If he is there 23 years you have no chance of shifting him , hand in notice and tell the boss and d**khead what you think of them both, you'll feel all the better for it.

makesure u have another job before u tell em to shove it up there ar./,././se otherwise u will get a bad refrence . i told my gaffer to shove it where the sun dont shine after 25 years then took all his work and customers :

 

[Hitch]

makesure u have another job before u tell em to shove it up there ar./,././se otherwise u will get a bad refrence . i told my gaffer to shove it where the sun dont shine after 25 years then took all his work and customers :

Cant tell any lies in the reference though, can they.

So if you do your job properly, turn up on time and so on, what are they going to write that is so bad...

Be foolish for them to start making up untruths.

 

[Wozzaaah]

makesure u have another job before u tell em to shove it up there ar./,././se otherwise u will get a bad refrence . i told my gaffer to shove it where the sun dont shine after 25 years then took all his work and customers :

I believe you can refuse to give someone a reference but you are not allowed to give them a bad one.