Best way to help dad stay at home...

[marlinspike]

When our dad started suffering from dementia we got him a big phone. Easy to dial and has three buttons on the top that you programme - if he wants you he just has one button to press.

 

[dobbslc]

"He sounds like the wife's father...cantankerous, refuses to take his medicine and has to be dying before seeing a doctor - we stayed in a motel last time we visited 10 years back... the place had turned into a tip with no one there to prompt him to clean up stuff..."
Bang on the nose there mate!

 

[gaz1]

what about microwave meals

cook one extra or buy one and drop it off for him at least microwave is more safer

it also means someone calls in on him daily

 

[Turbo]

In regard to his medication, some pharmacies will prepare his weekly medication, with his morning, afternoon & evening meds in separate blister packs on a card. It means he doesn't have to fumble with separate packages, or try to remember what to take when. It's just a matter of opening one blister pack at each mealtime & the correct meds are there.

If he's taking hypos I think there are devices that will monitor your blood sugar and alert the patient plus a carer if it goes too low. They are available in USA, the NHS is a bit slower at handing them out but you dad has a good case.

 

[dobbslc]

Thanks Turbo, he has the blister packs but it looks like he's been taking one section a day instead of the 4 he should....

 

[Robotstar5]

In regard to his medication, some pharmacies will prepare his weekly medication, with his morning, afternoon & evening meds in separate blister packs on a card. It means he doesn't have to fumble with separate packages, or try to remember what to take when. It's just a matter of opening one blister pack at each mealtime & the correct meds are there.

If you have carers going in, some companies will only give meds that are blister packed.

 

[RonA]

You can get in touch with social services, welfare etc. to arrange an assessment meeting at the the house, they are very good and will take him through daily tasks like making a meal & drinks etc., getting dressed, taking meds on time, from the assessment they can put a care plan in place and tell you what support you can get, both physical & financial.

Personally very wary of social services, when my father got a bit on the deaf side, called them in to see about fitting an induction loop to listen to the TV via his hearring aid. First question on arrival was how much was his house worth!
RonA

 

[dobbslc]

Personally very wary of social services, when my father got a bit on the deaf side, called them in to see about fitting an induction loop to listen to the TV via his hearring aid. First question on arrival was how much was his house worth!
RonA

You are dead right there! I've had the same before when he fell over two years ago. "Does he own his own house?" Yeah and he's bloody well keeping it!
Went to see him today and he didn't really say much, just stared at me.
Hospital's making him worse?

 

[brightspark]

social are a crock if u own your own house and have cash mother went in to a home and her house had to be sold and we were left with 16 grand and they took 85 grand

 

[dobbslc]

If it gets to that I'll renovate it and rent it out to pay the costs of the old peoples home!

 

[BarrieJ]

You are dead right there! I've had the same before when he fell over two years ago. "Does he own his own house?" Yeah and he's bloody well keeping it!
Went to see him today and he didn't really say much, just stared at me.
Hospital's making him worse?

If you haven't already I'd seriously explore the possibility of getting your dad to apply for a Lasting Power of Attorney. There are two distinctly different types, financial and health.
With councils desperate for money, Social Services might just put their desires before that of yourself and your father; LPA will give you more control, particularly should events take an unfortunate turn for the worse, much more worryingly, should you be, say on holiday/out of the country and your father have a fall that requires hospital admission, Social Services, could in your absence take control.

It has happened.

My wife has had experience from both sides of the coin, having worked in the NHS her entire working life (General Nursing/G.P. Practice) and has been involved in caring for and advising the elderly and since retirement the on/off care of her late uncle.
If there's not one in place, please discuss with your father about applying for LPA and make it a priority, it has to be done whilst he has (appears to have) full mental capacity. It will protect him and you.

My sisters and I lost our family home to the council - it turned out to be in exchange for three months in a care home, our mother dying there of pneumonia, she'd been fine at six o'clock the previous evening.
It grieves me so much, I can't walk past the house

The following sites provide information, or you could contact Age UK for advice/leaflets

www.ageuk.org.uk › Money matters › Legal issues

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

www.moneysavingexpert.com › Family and Health

 

[Robotstar5]

If it gets to that I'll renovate it and rent it out to pay the costs of the old peoples home!

That's what we do, although it doesn't cover the whole cost of residential care home, the rest is made up with her pension & attendance allowance.

It's worth reading BarrieJ advice above re LPA, get them in place while he still has the mental capacity to be allowed to sign them and once they have been logged with DWP, bank etc. it allows you to act on your fathers behalf.

Something else to consider is making sure his will is up to date and registered (solicitors can advise), something to note is any bequests to charity, try to include the registered charity number.

 

[dobbslc]

Solicitor phoned today!
I did his will 18months ago after his last fall, we talked about the LPA then but I didn't want to put to much on him at once, wish I had done it now!
RE the care home, if we rent the house it should pay a large amount of what's needed plus he has his state pension and a good pension from work.
The last of the proper pensions??
Probably!
Mrfuzzy I'll definitely check his chart as he was so different to normal , he lives in his own little world most of the time but this was different.
Maybe a bad day maybe something more sinister!

 

[norlander]

Might be some relevant points in my experience with my mum:

when I arranged home help, modifications to the home and allowances etc, we were asked the Qs re house value and savings etc.

I gave full and complete details, hiding nothing.

My applications were approved, we did not get top rate, but I thought what we had to pay was peanuts.

When my mum died, she had named me as the executor of her will. Steep learning curve, fair bit of work.

Lesson No1, I had to apply for probate, explained all to the bloke at the inteview-"thats a good story" said he, " with a sneer, are you calling me a anglo saxon insert liar you anglo saxon insert?"
"no no sir (sir now is it lol) its just that you live in France. " thats coz after 25 years of military service, I don't have to live in the same space as cupid stunts like you" Probate granted.
But he didn't like it coz I was not a shiney Rsed solicitor lizard ponce.

Lesson No2, the DWP or wotever they are called now, wrote to me saying my mums estate owed thousands as they had over paid her.
Letter back- I said, we declared every penny, your assessors set the payments, I've got the copies of the declarations we made. Give me the name of your Chief Executive, I'm going to apply to summons him/her to court.
"Thank you for your letter of ---------, there is no further action in this case"

Lesson No3- we took out an annuity on mums house to boost her income and basic pension, I informed the annuity providers on her death, " you have 5 days to refund the 30k annuity advance or interest will be charged at a mega %.
Went to bank, waived my probate, got an advance of 30k on estate that afternoon, electronic transfer, saw it land, phoned em, told em they had got it and if they delayed receipt, I would charge them 150% interest. Repayment was logged as received by fax.

The point of the above waffle is that, it seemed to me, that these agencies etc adopt an aggresive attitude to "debt" *recovery, I have no doubt some folks took fright and paid up when they did not need to.

That was about 10 years ago now so things may have changed, but posted in case anything is of use.

* My mum died aged 91, she lived through 2 world wars and rationing, served in the Civil Defence, and was an auxilary nurse. I'm not a close family sort of bloke, but as far as I am concerned, she served her community and was far more deserving of benefit than most of the tossers that get it now, and thats why I pushed it, and I resisted the claims not for my benefit from the estate, but because they were damn wrong.
Steps down from soapbox

 

[dobbslc]

Thanks norlander. I know these agencies are geared up to take everything they can.
I'll do my best to thwart them at every turn!
"It's all done in the possible taste" you know!
Cupid Stunt! Good one .

 

[norlander]

I might have missed making my point, what I meant to try and point out was that I gained the impression that the Probate bloke and the rest of the people I was dealing with all had a "system" in that they were used to dealing with "legal eagles" and a sort of old boy network, a layman coming in was frowned upon as no under the counter deals could be struck.
Ie, solicitor tells you its the best deal you''ll get after agreeing it with the agency- cos his fees have to come out of it as well, so the agency get an uncontested sum and their books look good, and the legal lizard gets his money.

I stress thats my impression though.

 

[Robotstar5]

I might have missed making my point, what I meant to try and point out was that I gained the impression that the Probate bloke and the rest of the people I was dealing with all had a "system" in that they were used to dealing with "legal eagles" and a sort of old boy network, a layman coming in was frowned upon as no under the counter deals could be struck.

I had similar when my father died in 1984, a representative from his bank turned up and said we need to do "this, this and that" for you for the sum of £600, so I showed him the paperwork to prove I had already done "this, this and that" so he went away empty handed

 

[BarrieJ]

I might have missed making my point, what I meant to try and point out was that I gained the impression that the Probate bloke and the rest of the people I was dealing with all had a "system" in that they were used to dealing with "legal eagles" and a sort of old boy network, a layman coming in was frowned upon as no under the counter deals could be struck.
Ie, solicitor tells you its the best deal you''ll get after agreeing it with the agency- cos his fees have to come out of it as well, so the agency get an uncontested sum and their books look good, and the legal lizard gets his money.

I stress thats my impression though.

I think the impression you got was pretty much spot on, until/if the charges for probate change, (as per outlined below), the charge for an application for probate was lower if application was made through a solicitor (£155), than if you applied yourself (£215), ensuring that the old boys' network got to charge you for the application, i.e. you got it cheaper but the solicitor got to charge you extra on top for doing so. Win, win for the legals.

Fee increases for grant of probate applications
The government is planning rises in probate fees according to the value of the property left by an individual in their will.

The consultation, which sets out proposals for reforming the fee, opened on 18 February, and runs until 1 April 2016. The current flat fee will change to a banded approach, proportionate to the value of the estate.

Not all properties need to go through probate, though. The value of the estate below which no fee is payable will rise from £5,000 to £50,000, lifting some estates out of paying any fee.

The changes are part of a drive to reduce the cost of running courts and tribunals, and raise £250 million for the Exchequer.

The proposed probate application fees are as follows:

• £300 for estates worth more than £50,000 and up to £300,000
• £1,000 for estates worth more than £300,000 and up to £500,000
• £4,000 for estates worth more than £500,000 and up to £1 million
• £8,000 for estates worth more than £1m and up to £1.6 million
• £12,000 for estates worth more than £1.6m and up to £2 million
• £20,000 for estates worth more than £2 million

This follows last year’s increase in probate fees, which set probate application through a solicitor at £155 and personal applications, or those not through a solicitor, to £215.

Needless to say, this increase has nothing to do with reducing the cost of running courts and tribunals and everything to do with an Exchequer raid on the dead.

Out of interest.
By the use of trusts, the Duke of Westminster avoided death duties estimated to be around £3.7 billion, so this new probate (death) tax expected to raise £250 million is chickenfeed.